Why asking WHY usually isn’t effective

Know anyone who always blames others for their problems?

They never do anything wrong, they claim to be a magnet for bad luck, don’t know how to do something because no one showed them how, etc. etc. You get the drift. How do you deal with people like that? (Besides running the other way, cause sometimes you can’t).

A couple of years ago, the company where I worked went through organizational changes. Change, it’s not easy, but it’s the one thing that is constant. There will always be change, but some people in the affected department didn’t get it and strongly resisted. So management decided to help them out and made it mandatory for each team member to read the QBQ book, The Question Behind the Question by John G. Miller.

Although I didn’t have to read it (only place the order), this was one of the best books I got in my hands. I learned and adopted a lot about personal accountability and it became a way of life. I forgot about it until QBQ popped in my head over the weekend. Don’t ask me why, but I knew it was something I had to share on the blog.

Asking the wrong question: WHY?

One important lesson was, that any question that starts with WHY, is basically the wrong question for several reasons.

• It makes people defensive.
• It’s looking for blame.
• It puts responsibility on someone else.
• It does not lead to solving a problem.

Change the question

I thought it was interesting that reformatting the question got a total different set of answers, and I’ll show you with these examples.

Problem: Presentation is not done.
Instead of saying: Why isn’t the presentation done?
You could say: What can I do to help finish the presentation?

Problem: The office is too cold.
Instead of saying: Why is it always so cold in here?
You could say: Who do I ask to change the temperature?

Problem: New software to book flights.
Instead of saying: Why is no one teaching me how to use the software?
You could say: How could I learn the software? Could I find a book or video to teach me?

Do you see the difference and the type of outcome (response) you will get by simply changing the question?

Ask the right question to get the right answer

When you eliminate the question WHY, it’s much easier to find a solution to the problem, because you’re not waiting for someone else. You take matters in own hand and you become personally accountable and able to solve the problem quicker.

The Blame Game doesn’t work, and no problems will be solved.

Get the book, don’t ask why

This book is a true gem and used in the corporate world to train people in customer service, help employees adapt to change and focus on development. I think it may come in very handy for business owners too.

Read more on the QBQ website or get the book on Amazon, it’s a quick read, but you’ll take tons of notes! 

No one makes me do anything I don’t want to do.